March 2017 Goals Update

I posted at the beginning of the year that this year for me would be intentional. Intentional in time with my family, intentional in spending money, intentional in what I did with my free time, and intentional with where my life is taking me.

I laid out some goals and since today it's the beginning of March, I thought it’d be a great time to check in.


Financial Goals:

We created budgets on Mint.com and have been diligent about checking them weekly. Every Monday morning I have a reminder on my calendar to log in and see where we are. This has help bring perspective to what we are spending and also helping to hold us accountable.

To be honest we’ve gone over in budgets both months but mostly due to things like unexpected increases in daycare costs, adding Macie to the weekend gymnastics fun, Macie’s birthday that I didn’t budget for, and finance charges on credit card debt that we are paying off soon. I am planning to reassess our budget this month to account for these increases and also to account for the bonus I’m getting which will be going straight to debt! (Adulting is hard)

Started college funds for the girls which will kick in this April, another budget adjustment.

Still need to work on savings but that will get easier once some debt is paid down this month. I want to focus on debt paydown and then we will have funds freed up for savings.


Family Goals:

Disney Trips for the girls’ birthdays - Since we have annual passes I want to ensure we are getting ours money’s worth. We are planning a trip Friday for Macie’s birthday. All of the reservations and FastPasses are made and ready to go.

Weekly lunch dates with the hubs - I’ve been slacking on lunch dates with the hubs since I’ve been working out on lunch. I need to get better about carving out at least one day a week for him and me. I love getting out of the office and having alone time with him, even if just for an hour.

Monthly date nights with hubs. We haven’t had any date nights either, add to the list for March.

Monthly dates with the girls alone. I had a few lunch dates with Henley during the week since I am trying to get her to not nap at school, that battle deserves its own post. Husband had a day alone with Macie picking strawberries and playing with the ponies at his dad’s house too.


Health Goals:

Workout 3-4 times a week - I’ve been working out more than my goal, six days a week all month! YaY! I’ve been doing Hammer and Chisel this month and loving it. Four weeks to go. I've been a little off this week and with Disney Friday through Sunday I imagine I'll be redoing week five next week.

I've been drinking my Shakeology daily and have been meal planning and prepping which has been huge for ensuring I have a healthy lunch.

I’ve been hitting my step goal most days, 24 days this month to be exact!!


Personal Goals:

Blog twice a week - January was a good month but February was a little sparse. I chose working on other creative outlets over writing this month but I am planning to get some more out there in the next few weeks.

Monthly updates to photo book----total fail. Haven’t started this at all for 2017.

Reading challenge of 35 books this year - I am on book five so a little behind. I’ve tried to read two different books this year that are nonfiction, more focused on self-improvement and I lost interest after much forceful reading. I think for me reading is a relaxing, fun way to wrap up my day and those books didn’t do it for me. I found myself preferring to scroll through Facebook or Pinterest instead. Two of the books I’ve read so far:

Chasing Slow by Erin Loechner: This was one book that wasn’t a fiction but I loved it and would highly recommend. This book isn’t full of how-to’s or tips on becoming a minimalist but instead packed with experiences and overall enlightening. I found myself constantly reassessing my priorities and looking at where I spend efforts in my day to day.

I also read Truly, Madly, Guilty from Liane Moriarty. I typically love her books but this was one overall frustrating. “Just get to the point!” was something I found myself thinking constantly through this book.

Stay creative - I’ve definitely been excelling in this area between the blog, writing with the Year of Creativity, photography, and lettering. Check out my latest watercolor/lettering I posted to Instagram.

Stay above the Bullshit! I’ve been doing relatively well here also. See my post on Maintaining the Balance.



Intention---just calling it out as something I needed in my life has been huge for me so far this year. I love the awareness it’s created with my life. I feel much more in control. I also think being out of the baby stages with the girls has been a huge help. I’m not nursing or pumping and the girls sleep through the night most nights. We are still up early but at least the 2am wake ups are a thing of the past (knock on wood). I’m feeling more human every day.

How are you doing on any goals you set for the year? Keep going! I know you’ve got this!

When I Was a Little Girl...

I’m sitting at my computer, Henley looks over my shoulder and sees an advertisement for an animated unicorn toy. Unicorns are all the rage for four year olds if you didn’t know. It’s $79 and she immediately says she needs it so much, like right now! I start trying to figure out for which occasion I could get this for her---Easter is all I got. We don’t typically get them gifts like this for Easter but if not then, when, her birthday and Christmas just passed.


A few days pass by. She hasn’t mentioned the unicorn but I’m still thinking of it, thinking of how excited she would be if I got it for her. She doesn’t need a unicorn. Why do I feel the need to get this for her? On Easter morning if she awakes to a basket full of candy-filled eggs and sidewalk chalk she will be just as thrilled. Will she look back and think of the unicorn toy she never got? What do I remember from being a little girl myself?


When I was a little girl I had a best friend that I was inseparable from. We had sleepovers and made friendship bracelets. We went to church together and even lived in the same neighborhood.


When I was a little girl I loved being outside. I would “paint” on the driveway at my papa’s house with water. I’d help him around the yard and pick oranges from the orange trees. I would make stinky mud pies with my brother. I would give concerts in my backyard, singing whatever tune was blaring from my mini cassette tape player, most likely Manic Monday.


When I was a little girl I remember being so excited to open a brand new box of crayons and a pack of colorful construction paper. I would make paper chains and color for hours with my mom and siblings.


When I was a little girl I remember having homemade cakes, made by my mom every year on my birthday, my favorite was a chocolate one that had pink ballet slippers on it.


When I was a little girl I remember eating pink heart shaped waffles with strawberries on Valentine’s morning and green shamrock waffles on St. Patrick's day.


When I was a little girl I loved writing in my journal or diary. I loved creating stories with illustrations. My characters usually were named Tiffany or Stacy and always had great friends, sometimes they even had a little sister just like me.


When I was a little girl I felt loved and taken care of. I was happy. I don’t remember if I had the latest and greatest toys, I assume not since we weren’t the most well off. I don’t remember taking elaborate trips or expensive vacations. I didn’t have the latest name brand shoes or clothes. I look back and remember being happy. I remember fighting with my siblings on long road trips to Georgia or North Carolina, taking special care to annoy my older brother. I remember stopping at rest stops to eat food my mother had packed, typically sandwiches or fried chicken. I remember rolling down small hills outside of our hotel room and catching fireflies.


In this world we live in, this world of more, we can easily get caught up with always wanting more. I myself am extremely guilty of this and have been working on it lately. I could go through the trouble to get this unicorn for her that would quickly start collecting dust in the corner in hopes of seeing my little girl light up, of winning the title of “best mom” in her mind. But honestly at the end of the day all I want is for my girls to feel more loved today than they did yesterday, to know that happiness doesn’t come in a box. I want them to look back at this time and remember dance parties in the living room, making cupcakes and messes in the kitchen, and an occasional skip out of school for a lunch date. I need to keep reminding myself of this, in the rush of life and the hustle of tomorrow we must always live in today, relish in sticky kisses and stinky feet, dirty floors and handprints on windows. Who knows, in December when her birthday rolls back around I might end up getting the unicorn but for today, I am just going to snuggle with my girls and enjoy this moment and keep creating memories for them to look back on.

The Season of Colic

I sat in my hospital bed, sore and lonely. I was nursing my beautiful new baby, yet again, through the pain. I have been here before, I shouldn't have been surprised by the pain. She was crying and inconsolable and I was overwhelmed. My eyes were puffy from crying, I could feel it.

---------

Maternity leave is a blur for the most part. There are things that stick out such as some sort of white noise in every room because that is the only sound that would quiet her cries. Bouncing, lots of bouncing, bouncing in the bathroom because the fan was running, bouncing in the kitchen in front of the running stove vent, bouncing outside to keep her from waking the toddler. Walks in the stroller with people looking as I tried so hard to find the perfect white noise for her on my cell phone. Google at 5pm and 7pm and 3am. Venting to my mom friends and the godsend that is Amazon Prime. Receiving shipments daily that contained colic calm, gas drops, gripe water, baby heating pads, probiotic drops, and even the Windi (just google it, it's not a moment I am proud of). Desperation, that is a clear feeling I remember along with helplessness. My baby was miserable, if she was awake and not crying it was a good day. I had no answers but I tried everything I possibly could to figure it out. I never stopped trying. I blamed my diet, my oversupply, I thought she had reflux, I think somewhere between the oversupply and reflux I landed on "it's just colic".


"Just colic" are two words that should not ever be said together. Colic is life changing. Colic feels defeating. Colic makes you feel like a failure. Colic makes you doubt every decision you make, from your breakfast choices to how you hold you child. Colic is maddening. Colic makes you angry and then guilty for being angry at this little helpless child and then sad for this child, she must be in so much pain. I clearly remember crying right along with her many nights. She would be crying, I would be bouncing her and crying myself.


There was one night I remember in particular, seven weeks into this new life of ours. I walked out of her room, tears in my eyes. I needed to step away and tag in my husband. He looked at me and said "Well that's not too bad, it took seven weeks for you to get to this point". I looked at him and said "Not quite, I cry almost every night". He's not at all to blame for not being as involved in this process as I was. He was taking care of our oldest and since I was nursing and not pumping, he couldn't really take over the feedings. During those nights I felt very alone. I felt alone even though I read post after post about other moms experiencing this same thing and despite everyone giving me a time frame where it would likely get better, it felt like I'd never get there.


Most people said by twelve weeks, all of this would go away. This felt like unattainable. I wasn't sure how much more I could take. It made me extremely sad to know that the only twelve weeks I would get alone with her would be spent in this state. It felt impossible.


Despite all of my doubt and dread, she did get better. Around ten weeks she stopped crying as much and we even had a nice ending to my maternity leave. Those ten weeks were some of the hardest times in my life. I felt like a bad mother for not being able to fix her, not even mentioning the lack of time I was spending with my oldest.


In the end this is all a distant memory. I now have a spunky almost two year old that is still a lot of work but it's a much easier type of work in comparison. Our nights are now spent reading her favorite books, which lately has been "all of them", instead of bouncing and crying together. Our days together are full of painting and bubbles and dress-up. It gets better.


If you are in this season of life, I see you. I see your tears and I see your frustration. Focus on the end, have hope for the end. It will end. Your little baby will get bigger and grow out of this phase. You will become a normal, functioning member of your community again. You are doing everything right. You are a great mom even though I know at time it doesn't feel like it. Pretty soon you will be worrying about teething and crawling and introducing new foods. Motherhood is never void of opportunities for worry but this specific season of worry will end, I promise.

All In A Touch

When my husband and I were engaged to be married, a family friend who would be our wedding officiant recommended a book for us to read titled "The 5 Love Languages". This book started out by explaining how everyone gives and receives love in different ways such as personal touch or quality time. The author then described the different love languages and there was a quiz in the back to see which love language we each had.

We've referred to the book many times, seeing how not only our love language affected our relationship but how our own love languages changed over time as our priorities changed. We came quite versed in these, taking the quiz a few times throughout our marriage. We also began recognizing and understanding others love languages through everyday interactions. When Henley was born she always needed us close by, even just to touch us with one hand. I knew from the start her love language was personal touch.

There were many, many hours spent driving around with my arm stretched into the backseat to hold her hand as she was rear-facing, even as young as two months old. Up until about a year ago, she would always have her fingers in her mouth and would pinch our hands or elbows with her other hand, sometimes causing pain with those tiny little nails. Hanging out before bed on the couch is typically spent touching side-by-side.  Even now, when I lay with her to go to sleep she is rubbing my arm or pinching my elbow.

Fell asleep at 17 months holding my hand through the crib

In the moment this can get tiring. My arm would ache on long drives being stretched towards the back of the car. After a long day of work I just wanted to be left alone, not constantly touching or being pinched. I may have snapped a time or two that I just need space, immediately feeling bad. Thinking back now, this little person was comforted just by touching our hand, all fears and concerns melted away. Her pinching your elbow became a great compliment, if she felt comfortable and trusted you, she would melt into you and would start pinching. 

Now that Macie is getting older we are already starting to see what we think her love language is, Word of Affirmation. Macie loves hearing she's done a good job. When she goes on the potty she pops up (before even wiping at times) and runs into the other room to tell Daddy "pee pee!!!" with so much excitement. She loves getting a rise and making people laugh, sometimes being a little mischievous but even then it's pretty cute. 

I'm not sure if these perceived love languages will continue as they get older but I love feeling like I have a one-up on them, knowing how they feel love and being conscious to let them be loved that way. If you haven't read the book I highly recommend it. It's interesting to see things you never really put into words describing exactly how you feel. 

Hope you guys are having a good weekend. I am glad for the weekend to be here, this Tuesday alone felt like two days long. 

Maintaining the Balance

I am currently reading a series of essays posted by the Atlantic about women’s ambition, specifically what happens to it after we leave college. The essays are enlightening and I see hints of myself peppered all throughout. The basis of the series focuses on a group of 37 women that went to college together and graduated in 1993. Two of the women have interviewed the others to see where they are in life and in their careers over twenty years later, how did they get there, and what drove their decisions. The entire time I’m reading this I am thinking of my own journey. Here I am, over ten years post-college, how did I get here? How much of my decisions were need-based versus what I truly wanted.


Recently I’ve been working to be more tuned into my life, both professionally and personally, trying to be very cognizant of all of my roles and operating at levels in these roles that I am proud of while making decisions that are best for me and my family.


I graduated college in 2006 with a Bachelor’s of Accounting degree. I was hired by Deloitte and Touche right out of college. I wasn’t fully sure what I was getting into but I knew this was a highly coveted career path so I jumped in with all that I could give. I started working in September and got married in November. I was working 40-50 miles from my home and putting in at least 60-70 hours a week, weekends included often. I started my Master’s and was studying for the CPA exam. I was doing well, I understood the work and I was good at it but once 6pm rolled around, I was miserable. I liked the work, just not enough to miss out on everything else I really loved. I was a newlywed in a new stage of life---adulthood---working and only working. After about a year, my husband and I decided this lifestyle was not a fit for us. At this point we had been together ten years but for the first time ever, we were living in our own place and entering this new season together. My career was not jiving with my personal life.


We moved from Miami and I got a job with a smaller CPA firm doing the same thing but on a much smaller scale, working between 50-60 hours a week, home most nights by six, but with the added complication of more travel. This job worked out for us better. I was able to graduate from my Master’s program and obtain my CPA License. I had more free time and I was still doing something I liked and was good at, we managed the travel time well. However around the four year mark, I was tired. I was tired of not being able to make plans between January and April. I was tired of traveling over 60% of the time. My last straw was walking into my hotel room in a very small town after a long day with takeout, greeted by flowers for my anniversary. I wasn’t even present to celebrate my anniversary with my husband, my number one. This was no longer what I wanted.


I started looking for jobs the next week. I interviewed for a large public company right before Thanksgiving and luckily was hired mid-December, starting January 4th----no more busy season for me. I was elated. This was a perfect fit for me and I knew this would be somewhere I would be challenged but yet could maintain a work/life balance. I have been here six years now.


Throughout my time here I have openly put my family first. Most nights I am out of the office by 5:15 but willing to work late when needed. I spend my lunch break at the gym or running errands. My boss is aware that for me, my family is number one. All of this works, my boss has three girls and even though they are now grown, he gets it and hasn’t put me in a position that I will be unhappy.


Even though this is what I want for myself, I at times feel the struggle with it, maybe it's a fear of failure, fear of being looked at differently from my peers. With this article, I now see I’m what the essay refers to as the “Scale Backers”. This group wants to still have a career while being present at home. I relate to this. This struggle I had been having at work, wondering if I should have more responsibility even though deep down I knew I didn’t want it. I love being able to be home and cook dinner. I love having the weekends to go to gymnastics or swim lessons but in the bustle of it all, I wasn’t seeing it. Luckily I have an amazing husband that not only helps a ton around the house but is also amazing at talking me off of the ledge. I’ve started seeing my career in a different light.


Every person is different and everyone finds rewards in different ways. For me personally, I am rewarded by both my professional and personal life. I look forward to this newfound internal freedom, to love the days I’m mentally challenged at work and also to love when I am home at 5:30 chasing toddlers outside. Not every day is perfect, sure there are days I cry dropping the girls off at daycare or days when I have to leave work despite being in the middle of something big but that’s life. We can’t have it all and I will work to keep reminding myself of that. I am enough and I am doing enough.

Me Time

Do you ever feel like your mind is in a thousand different places? I usually enjoy multitasking. I love being busy and I love having a lot going on around me. On the flip side though I've learn that I need time to myself to unwind, to feel human.

Lately I have made an effort to be more conscious of setting aside time for me, whether that time is spent relaxing or working on something creative. Often times these things are opposites and I feel the pull when it comes time to me to decide how to spend my free time.

During the day my mind is mostly busy with work. Of course there are times when I will get an email or hear a song that will remind me of something I want to do or something I need jot down but overall, I am set with my tasks at hand until I leave there for the day. From the time I get home until Macie's bedtime around 7:30, we are busy with dinner, baths, playtime, reading books, and bedtime. Once Macie is in bed sleeping, I am available for a little me time, sometimes however this is where the struggle begins.

Something along these lines is a familiar internal battle I have....

Should I take a relaxing bath and read?

Should I work on my Year of Creativity, I want to blog, improve my writing, and connect with the awesome group of women on this journey with me.

I could always grab my markers and spend some time lettering, or coloring and wind down for a bit with a glass of wine.

Do I go sit with Henley for an hour of snuggles, playtime, or TV with just her?

Should I start a movie with my husband to spend some time with him?

And as always, I could work on something around the house --- laundry, bathroom cleaning, picking up, etc.

It never ends. I want to do it all---I want to read all 27 notifications on Facebook and I want to read all of the unread blogs in my feed. I want to take a long, hot bath while reading a few chapters of my book. I want to close out the night with an awesome blog post that you all will love to read but realistically, that can't happen.

My mind is this open browser with a million tabs open and sometimes I feel like a toddler haphazardly clicking the mouse, opening and closing them all at random. Most nights I can successfully choose one of these options but sometimes I can't decide and end up being sucked into my phone by default and waste the whole night away, leaving me frustrated with myself.

I am glad I took the time to decide what I want to work on for me for this year because I feel now at least I am aware of the struggle. Before I wasn't even aware of these internal struggles I was having. I would just end up in bed dissatisfied at the end of the night because I didn't actually do anything, even becoming bitter at times.

I'm not perfect and I am still working to find the right balance for me but I'm getting there. I've had some great nights lately, even if it's just two hours of doing something that I want to do. I feel like acknowledging things I want to work on or things I want to do helps me to focus and not feel overwhelmed, therefore making me a happier, more relaxed, wife and mother.

Tonight was spent working on some watercolor hand lettering and finishing this blog along with some tickle time with Henley. I am not one to believe it's possible to have it all but sometimes it can feel pretty damn close.

Motherhood...Don't Blink

As I laid in bed Saturday night, thinking back to when I had Henley it really hit me hard that she’s growing up and is turning into such a special little girl. On the other hand it’s only been four years since I joined this club of mothers but yet I feel like this is who I have always been. I can’t imagine a life without my girls now.

Being a mother isn't something that someone can tell you how it will be and you’ll get it. It’s nothing like you expect it will be, it’s so much more in every sense---better in some ways and harder in other ways.

A quote for me that sums up motherhood pretty well is this:

“Being a mother is learning about the strength you didn’t know you had and dealing with the fears you didn’t know existed.”

Looking back over the last four years I can easily agree with this quote. I am so much stronger than I ever thought possible (hello childbirth!). The bond with my husband has grown so much stronger, seeing a man loving on his daughters is the best. Motherhood, parenting in general really, does bring with it fears---fears something will happen, fears we're doing something wrong, fears that you aren't able to give them what they need or protect them from every element. I'm learning this is just a part of the deal---we do what we can and pray it's enough.

This journey has a lot more in store for me and my family. I look forward to all of the moments to come.

Here is my little FOUR year old yesterday at her party! Birthday details to come tomorrow…

Have a great week, hopefully it's a short one!

Mere

::Me:: What I've Learned...About Myself

I’m 34. It’s so weird to see that number because I don’t feel how I thought 34 would feel, in reality I don’t know what 34 should feel like. So much about life is different from what we expect it to be.

Time flies by. I know that is such a common saying but everyone says it because it’s so true!

I recently found myself referring to someone that is 26 as “about my age”. That’s not true obviously. Someone that is 26 is eight years younger than me but that’s honestly what it feels like. However looking back it does make sense that I’m 34. I’ve been out of college and in the working world for over ten years. I have been a mom for four years. I have been with my husband for nineteen years and we’ve been married for ten of those years. Not to mention the countless life lessons I’ve learned about the world and also about myself.

I am a procrastinator. I never really gave myself that label before but over time I realize that I push everything down to the wire. If there is no deadline, I accomplish most of my goals eventually but if there is a deadline, I’m usually working right up to that moment, maybe a few hours before. My work day usually begins with catching up on Facebook and the news rather than knocking out my list and using any free time at the end of the day to catch-up.

I am introverted. I’m friendly, chatty even at times but for the most part I want to keep to my world (my friends, my family, my turf). I make plans with good intentions but usually have thoughts to cancel. If I don’t cancel, I usually do have fun but sometimes in the moments leading up to it, I have second thoughts and regret committing.

I love Pinot Noir and I love knowing which wines I love. I also love that I know which wines I like best with which foods.

I value friends but I’ve learned I can break-up with a friend if it’s in the best interest of both of us and that’s ok. Friendships are needed in those moments you just need a reprieve; whether it be a break from work, kids, or real life, friends are there. Friendships are easy and natural and for the friendships that are not these things, it’s ok if they are no more. Life is too short; time and energy too limited to be expended on friendships that aren’t enjoyable.

I love Target, like LOVE. I love that I can redecorate my patio while picking up wipes and yogurt. I love that I live three miles from one. I love that I can peruse the aisles with a Starbucks tea and a cake pop. I love that my girls love Target as much as I do. ::keep up the good work Target::

I find peace in a good book and I’ve learned that a bath can heal almost anything.

I value people. I will not put others down to make myself look better and I will not step on someone to get higher. I put family above work at all times. I know I only get 18 or so years with my girls and no job or promotion is worth missing out on any moment with them.

I do not have a poker face. I wear my thoughts and emotions and it’s felt in my demeanor. I do not play games and I am genuine.

I am capable of more love than I could have ever fathomed 15 years ago. I love my husband more every day. I love my girls each so much. I love my family and my friends. I love this life I have built with them.

I am so blessed to have all I do. Who knows where I’ll be in another ten years but based on the last ten, I look forward to seeing it.

::Henley:: Our Breastfeeding Journey

It's coming to an end and it's so bittersweet. For the last year, I have been the main source of Henley's nutrition. I have provided her with everything she needed for the first six months exclusively. It is now coming to an end. While I am super excited to have my body back, I am extremely mourning the end of this relationship. The end of lying in bed nursing her while snuggling so sweetly. The end of nursing her while rocking with lullabies playing in the background. The end of her rubbing me as she nurses so sweetly.


 I wasn't one of those people who always knew they would breastfeed. My mom never did it and it wasn't something I gave much thought to. Over the last 10 years or so, I have really become more conscious of what I am consuming and putting into my body and with this conscientiousness, I have learned that nature really knows what it's doing. When I got pregnant, I knew I wanted to breastfeed and started educating myself right away. I read articles and blogs, discussed with friends, and took a class at the hospital. All of these were instrumental in preparing me for the journey I was about to begin with Henley.

When Henley was born, I was lucky enough to be able to have immediately skin to skin contact. I held her in my arms for a full hour (God bless my husband for giving me that time!). She latched immediately and nursed for a good thirty minutes or so. From then on this bond was created.

When we were in the hospital she nursed every one to two hours and continued this at home. Sometimes in those first few weeks she would nurse for 30 minutes straight every 45 minutes. It was exhausting, tiring, and at times painful. I worried she wasn't getting enough, wasn't gaining weigh fast enough, was overeating...actually I just worried. Being a first time mom brings so many unknowns but I have learned that mama's usually know what is best.

Henley nursed steadily every two hours until she was about nine months old. She almost always wakes one to two times a night still to nurse and nurses (almost) to sleep every night. She loves it!

As I rocked her tonight as she nursed, I kept thinking how crazy this life is and how fast it goes. She will be one in two weeks and I know I will look back on this last year with love, pride, and awe thinking how blessed I am to have been able to do this with my daughter as long as I did. Not everyone has this chance and I am so appreciative that I did. I truly love being a mom---it is definitely what I was meant to do!

Mere :-)

::Henley:: 30 Things I Want to Teach Her

Here we are in July and Henley is almost seven months old. In the months leading up to her birth I would have thoughts here and there about what having a girl would mean. If I saw a news story about a girl falling victim to bullying I would immediately put myself in that mother’s shoes. I have pondered what her personality would be like---would she be girly or a tomgirl, ballet or soccer? In all of this wondering, I have thought about things I want to teach Henley, my daughter.

So here it is---a list of 30 things I want to teach Henley, some sooner some later. (in no particular order)

1. How to swim

2. To braid her hair, pluck her eyebrows, and paint her nails

3. How to tie her shoe laces

4. How to bake the perfect chocolate cake

5. How to make croissants

6. That it’s ok to fall in love at 15…or at 30

7. That travel is the most eye opening experience ever

8. To accept everyone no matter how different or unpopular they are

9. That she is beautiful and enough and perfect just the way she is

10. How to sew

11. How to drive (like mama of course!)

12. How important it is to have an opinion (preferably one of her own)

13. To have a passion for life

14. To try most foods, at least once

15. How to budget and save money

16. The importance of working hard for something she wants

17. How to give people the benefit of the doubt while not being too naïve

18. That it’s ok to cry to express any emotion whether it be happy, mad, or sad

19. How to perfectly wrap a present

20. How to climb trees

21. That sometimes the best comfort foods are milk and cookies

22. Go with your gut!

23. Don’t take life too seriously

24. The importance of wearing sunscreen

25. That a bath, a good book, and a big glass of wine can fix almost any problem

26. Never forget to laugh

27. To have something she does that is just for her

28. That having a few best friends is better than a lot of mediocre friends

29. What true love looks and feels like

30. That I always will have her back

Life is tough and there are so many things I am unable to control for her but one thing I can do for her is give her the tools to make the right decisions in her life. I prayed for this little girl to get here in my arms safe and healthy and I still pray for her every.single.day.

Mere :-)

::Henley:: Day Care Must Haves

As I was getting everything ready for tomorrow I was thinking that we definitely have this working mom/daycare routine down pat so I thought I'd share what we do. Little Miss has been in daycare for almost three months now and there are some must-have's and tips & tricks that I have come to love that I thought I would put together a post to share!

Every night after Henley goes to bed, I get everything ready for her for the morning. First thing I do is lay out her clothes, diaper, and D drops for Dad. I leave everything he will need in the morning on the changing table (leave no outfit choices for Dad---there is no telling what fashion faux-pas he will make) {love you honey}

Outfit, Bib, Socks, Diaper, D Drops

[Note: on the outfit, we make sure to send pants or Baby Legs now due to carpet burn on the knees!]

After that I get the bottles ready and pack the diaper bag. Most day care providers ask you to label everything you send. I hate labeling her clothing so my compromise is to pack every outfit in a ziploc bag, this also ensure the outfits I put together are what she wears and also provides a bag for them to put any stinky or dirty outfits. 

Every 1-2 weeks I send a pack of diapers and wipes (see my post here about Honest diapers)

Another thing I have LOVED for daycare has been Orbitz bottle labels from Inchbug. For the first few weeks I was labeling her bottles and lids with permanent marker but it came off every night. It doesn't seem like a huge deal but labeling everything each night gets old. I saw these online and I love them! I also got these labels for the lids from Namebubbles. They are stickers that are dishwasher safe. I have it on her lids, the tags on her blankets, sheets, bibs and they have show zero wear. I also recently started putting them on her bowls that I send for her solids now. 

These things are working great for us. Any favorite things you have discovered that work well for you guys?! Please share!!

As much as I love her day care, I'm glad I get my Little Miss all to myself for the weekend!!

Happy Weekend All!

Mere :-)

::Henley:: A Day In Our Life

I've been back to work for three weeks now and I feel we are into a routine now and are getting pretty good at the day to day activities of being new, working parents. When I was thinking about this post I couldn't decide where to start it, like where does my day start. Once I started thinking about it more and more, it occurred to me that being a mom is literally a 24/7 job---so much so I couldn't even figure out where to "start" my day for this post. That being said, I'll start from my alarm. :-)

5:30 am - Alarm goes off & up and at em I go (I actually get out of bed about 50% of the time, the other 50% I hit snooze and throw off my whole morning) into the shower, get dressed, hair, makeup, shoes, and accessories.

6:15 am - Head into the kitchen. I pack my breakfast and lunch, grab a glass of milk or juice in my Tervis cup. Pack all of my bottles for pumping, all of my pump parts, and the pump. Make sure I have my wallet, keys, and cell phone in my purse. (I put these in the diaper bag when we go out as a family and have forgotten them before----now I check!)

6:30 am - Grab Henley and nurse her before walking out of the house. She wakes up sometimes but most of the time falls back asleep. I secretly hope she wakes up so I get snuggles before walking out the door. Ted wakes up at this point and heads to the kitchen to start the coffee and his breakfast. Once the coffee has starts, he grabs Fitz and heads out the door for their morning walk.

6:45 am - Henley is finished nursing and after some quickly snuggles and kisses, I head out of the door on the way to work. If she's awake, I put her in the swing so she can watch Dad eat breakfast, if not I lay her back down.

7:00 am - Me: I arrive at work, turn on my computer, and heat up some oatmeal for breakfast. Dad: Starts getting dressed and ready for work.

7:15 am - Dad: Grabs Henley and after much changing table cooing and laughing, gets Henley dressed and ready for school. Takes a picture of Henley and texts it to Mom. :-)

 7:25 am - Dad: Grabs the bottles from the fridge and packs them in the diaper bag, grab the baby and is out the door.

7:30 am - Call Mom and gives her a report on the morning, I love hearing when her and Dad have a happy, smiley morning.

7:45 am - Dad drops off Henley at daycare and calls Mom to let her know. (I've read too many stories of people forgetting to drop the kids off at daycare. We live in Florida where the internal temp in cars can reach well over 120* and we aren't chancing it. We've agreed to call before and after drop off duty just to be safe).

8:00 am - Dad gets to work and everyone is set for the day.

9:00 am - I have my first pumping session at work, usually get 6-7 oz.

11:30 am - Second pumping session (usually get 4 oz), heat up lunch and eat at my desk while checking my favorite websites.

2:00 pm - Third pumping session (usually get another 4 oz for a total of 14 oz for the following day's bottles).

3:45 pm - Start wrapping up any last minute emails, grab all of my pump parts and accessories and head out of work by 4:00 pm (I have forgotten my pump and milk twice and had to turn around. I now keep my car keys in my pump bag so I can't leave without it).

At this point, I am so excited to get Henley that I usually drive like a crazy person, cursing at every slow driver and red light I encounter.

4:10 pm - Arrive at day care and pick up Henley, finally head home for the day.

4:30 pm - Home with Henley. Hug and kiss her as much as I can, chat about our day and get lots of smiles and snuggles.

5:15 pm - Dad gets home and we all go for a walk with Fitzy.

Between 5:30 - 7:00 pm - Wash all of her bottles from the day (I send 5- 4 oz bottles but always get one back). Dad starts dinner while Mom and Henley have some tummy time. Henley usually nurses anywhere from 5:45 - 6:30. After we nurse, dinner is ready. We get to eat together about half of the time, the other half we eat in shifts.

7:15 pm - Start the wind down process. Dad starts the bath while I strip her down nudie. Bath time is a joint effort, she loves it so much that both Mom and Dad love playing with her.

7:30 pm - Out of the bath. New diaper on with the Snuza clipped and turned on, lotion massage on the legs, arms, and belly, clean the ears with baby Q-tips, and onesie on.

7:45 pm - All of the lights are turned down, Pandora on the TV is turned on and the Lullaby station is playing. I nurse her while rocking in the chair. She starts dozing off during this feeding so I try to wake her to keep her eating so she gets enough for the night.

8:00-8:15 pm - She finishes nursing, I swaddle her, give her a paci, and rock her to sleep. Once she's asleep I put her to bed. She is going back and forth between the Rock and Play sleeper and the Pack and Play. She's congested at the moment so we have been using the Rocker since it has a nice incline.

8:30 pm - Get ready for the next day: I make up all of her bottles for the next day. Lately I have been 2 oz short so I make all of the bottle except the 2 oz I'll pump later. I wash all of my pump bottles and parts. I pack her diaper bag, lay out her outfit for the next day for Dad.

9:00 pm - Start my 30 Day Shred workout while Dad watches TV or surfs on the computer.

9:30 pm - Workout complete and into the shower I go. Pump last two oz when I get out and add it to the bottles in the fridge. Clean all of the pump parts again.

10:00 pm - Bed!! Totally exhausted at this point! Lay in bed, catch up on Facebook, Instagram, and all of my blogs on BlogLovin'

10:30 pm - Out like a light!

2:00 am - Henley wakes up for her first feed. I usually get out of bed and head to the rocker in the living room for this one. Read Facebook, my message boards, Huffington Post, anything to stay awake.

Anywhere from 4:00 - 4:30 am - Hens wakes up for her next feeding. At this point I'm usually too exhausted to get up so I put her in bed with us and nurse her lying down. We both fall asleep until my alarm goes off and we start this crazy day all over again!

As you can see there isn't much time for "me" time but the one thing motherhood has taught me is that I don't need it. I don't need time to surf the internet for hours at a time, if my fingernails or toenails aren't perfectly painted that's ok. Spending time with my smiley little baby is the best gift I could ever get.

Being a working mom isn't easy but it's going well. Henley likes day care so far and I like seeing how great all of the employees at the day care are with her. Look at her first "artwork"!

How similar is my day to you other new mom's out there? Any tips or pointers you've learned??

Hope you are having a great weekend!

Mere :-)

::Life:: Back to It

Well it's official--my maternity leave is over! (insert a mega sad face here!) Excluding the week Henley was born, this has been one of the most emotional times I've ever had in my life. I've been back to work for one week now and am just now starting to feel like this is my new routine.

I started thinking about returning to work and getting started with our new normal around the time Henley was 7 weeks old. I was lying in bed one night with Henley snuggled tight up against me. I was thinking how awesome the last 7 weeks have been and then I started doing the math---7 weeks old, 12 weeks of maternity leave equals 5 weeks left!! I lost it right there--tears, crying, the works.

I started thinking how I would only be getting a few hours with her at night during the week. I was thinking that there is so much to do at night as it is that I can't imagine adding a baby into the mix and still getting quality time. It was around this time that Henley first started smiling and her smiles and happiest times were much more frequent in the mornings.  I just knew I'd be missing all of those sweet little moments. On top of all of this was the fact that I would be leaving my precious, beautiful little baby with people I had met for 10 minutes tops!

The dread surrounding the day I'd be returning to work was constant, my thoughts ended up there frequently and always ended with tears. At about 10 weeks postpartum, I started coming to grips with the situation. Work was 2 weeks away, I needed to be mentally challenged again, Henley needed to develop socially, all working moms have experienced this, and all of these emotions were normal. I met with my boss and discussed an alternate schedule that would allow me an extra hour or two at night with Henley without sacrificing the amount of hours I was working. Mentally I felt a little more prepared but emotionally I was still a mess.

I returned to work Wednesday but I had received advice to take her to daycare a day or two before I go back for a few hours to get myself acclimated without the added pressure of work. I was scheduled to go back to work on Wednesday so I planned on taking her to daycare Monday and Tuesday.

Last Sunday night I was doing my nightly bed time routine with Henley and was rocking her to sleep. I just started to cry again thinking of all of my worries. On top of all of the normal concerns I had was the fact that this signified the end of the first stage of her life. She is no longer a newborn, I am no longer the sole person offering her care--that chapter was over.

I sat with my husband that night rocking her for at least an hour after she fell asleep just talking it through. Logically I knew this was what we wanted but emotionally it was so hard to think about. My husband is a saint and it always there for me to talk through things. I left that conversation feeling emotionally prepared for the following day. I could do this! Henley would be ok and I would have time to catch up on some things I had to do before work.

Monday morning rolled around, I got up and started getting ready to drop her off. I was feeling so confident that this was going to be much better than expected. I was actually looking forward to this in a weird way. I was feeling pretty proud of myself. We arrived at daycare around 9:30. I walked in, got the tour, got all of her stuff set up (still feeling like a rockstar I might add), then one of the worker's held Henley and said "we got this mom, see you in a little bit" and I lost it! Right there in the middle of the room, crying my eyes out. I wasn't really even thinking about anything that would cause me to cry. I was overcome with this emotion that I couldn't control! It felt so unnatural for her to not be with me---for someone else to be taking care of her for the day. I drove home and just cried.

I lasted about 4 hours before I had to go get her, crying for about 3 of those hours. I walked into daycare and she was just hanging out---totally content. I picked her up and squeezed her and gave her tons of kisses---she was back where she belongs! We survived the first day of "school". Tuesday was much better and not one tear was shed. Once I started work, my husband would be doing drop off duty (huge benefit to me emotionally). Since I have started work, saying goodbye in the mornings is hard, I get choked up and I miss her so much during the day but every day is a little better. On Wednesday I cried the whole way to work. On Thursday and Friday I cried when I said goodbye and now I get choked up but I have something so great to look forward to. (and I might add that tonight she smiled and cooed at me for at least 10 minutes so I still get awesome moments!)

This post really doesn't have much of a purpose other than to tell you about my day and to say that people are right---it gets easier every day. I don't miss her any less. Every day I am just at eager to get her---packed up and ready to go the minute I am able to. I speed over to daycare as soon as possible, cursing every light I have to stop at but seeing her there at day care warms my heart. Picking her up and kissing her makes me melt. Parenthood is the most incredible privilege I have ever been blessed with. I feel so honored to have the opportunity to be Henley's mom. I love that I get to love her and that I get to experience the mother bond. Being a mom is incredible, truly!

At least once a day I am just overwhelmed with emotion and love for her it's incredible. It's crazy that I love this little person so much---I had no idea I had this much love to give.

If you are returning to work soon or if you are worried about it, just know that you are not alone! Every new mom feels this way, it's not natural to be away from our babies but it's going to be ok. They will be learning new skills and meeting new friends (and you will be able to stay challenged and keep your sanity). It gets easier every day. Stay strong!

Ok---after all of that gushing I just want to go pick her up and snuggle her right now (I won't of course--never wake a sleeping baby)!

If you hung on for this whole post, mad props! ;-)

Mere

::Pregnancy:: What Do I Miss?

It's been 6 weeks since Henley came into our world, early and unexpected. While the time with her has flown by and it doesn't feel like it's already been six weeks, it feels like I was pregnant months ago. All of the discomforts (or physiological discomforts of pregnancy as my doctor called them) and nuisances of being pregnant are a long, lost memory.

The other day as I was soaking in the bath shaving my legs, it occurred to me that not too long ago I was totally winded and sweating after shaving one leg. Oh how quickly we forget! I thought it would be interesting to do a post of things I miss (and don't miss) about being pregnant. It's true that by the end, I was uncomfortable and so excited to meet Henley that I was ready for it all to be over but there are a few things I miss.

I have to say one of the best things about being pregnant is being comfortable with the overall appearance of my body. I wouldn't say I have body confidence issues but like most women, pre-pregnancy I was self conscious about this bump or that bulge and I may or may not have photoshopped a beach photo here or there before posting (shameful I know!). With the pregnancy however, the bigger the better! There's no need to suck it in or look thin. Everyone expects you to gain weight and get bigger. I really loved tracking my bump and wearing form fitting clothes that showed off the bump. 

Now that she is here, I already am finding myself worrying about getting rid of the baby weight and planning my workouts once I get clearance from the doctor (hopefully tomorrow!). I wear clothes that hide my mid-section and I am constantly plastering on as much stretch mark cream as possible to help minimize and fade these marks. (For those that following my pregnancy, you know I didn't get many stretch marks however, it turns out that breast feeding was the little gem that would create all of my stretch marks---well that and the fact that I had some under my belly but I obviously had no idea until about two weeks post-partum.)

Something I obviously miss is Henley being inside of me. Her bumps and wiggles, no matter how uncomfortable, were simply amazing. I loved trying to figure out what she was doing and how she was positioned. I loved dreaming of what she would look like and how she would act. Wondering would she have Teddy's passion for life? My creativity? Would she be tall or short? Have blue eyes or hazel eyes? The ambiguity of everything was amazing! On the flip side obviously, it's the best thing in the world having her here. Seeing her and getting to know her is awesome. She is changing every day, just like she was when she was inside, and I love that and I love learning about her and how to take care of her.

Lastly I miss maternity clothes. I miss the comfort of the elastic bands and I miss maternity leggings (best purchase ever). I also bought some really cute maternity clothes and I'm bummed I won't get to wear these again (or at least for a while!) All of these got packed up yesterday, hopefully I'll be blessed and get to wear them again someday.

Now onto things I don't miss---these are going to be shorter and more to the point as they are pretty obvious.

• Not being able to paint my toes, shave my legs, pee into a cup without peeing on my hands
• Bumping my stomach into the grocery cart, my desk at work, the sliding glass doors (since I never opened them wide enough)
• HEARTBURN! I do not miss this at all. I should let you all know that I had heartburn the whole.entire.time. I had it from the first trimester all of the way to while I was actually pushing. That's right---I had heartburn while I was actually pushing her out!
• Not being able to have caffeine, sushi, lunch meat, Excedrin
• Not being able to run long distances and outside
• Not being able to hug my husband comfortably! (I have been loving the ability to hug Teddy lately!)

Having Henley has been the most exciting, scary, rewarding, and amazing thing I have ever done. I am in awe at what the human body is capable of. I'm so thankful everything went well and we are all healthy and doing great. I'm grateful for friends and family that have been so great about checking in on us, bringing us yummy food, and just being there when I needed a nap, especially in the beginning when I was too stubborn to call for help. I feel I am back to normal and into a solid routine with her which is exciting. 

I'm excited to see where this journey takes us and at the same time, I just want her to stay this little forever. I am already noticing changes in her, she's growing so fast!

Happy Monday, have a great week!!

Mere :-)